Calming Anger By Developing Emotional Responsibility

We all get angry sometimes. It is a natural reaction to events that lead us to believe that we deserve better or someone has wronged us and we feel that they absolutely must not do that to us as it is not fair and undeserved. But what is anger?

“Chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.” — The American Psychological Association.

Anger can be caused by internal and external events. These events are usually seen as out of our control. I invite you to take responsibility for your emotions and particularly anger. People often say things like, “what he did made me furious!” or “that person really winds me up!”.

What does this tell us? What can we learn from this typical response to things that make us angry? What we can see is that people often place the blame at someone else’s door. It makes sense, after-all, we haven’t done anything to deserve being treated in a way that makes us feel angry. That is why we get angry. We feel helpless to it. After-all, we can’t control the other person. And so we end up resigned to the fact that we have to live with other peoples actions or words and the feelings they provoke in us.

What if I told you that this needn’t be the case. What if I told you that you, that’s right you, have the power to control how you feel. Right now, you can stop feeling angry or furious. And you can do it again whenever you feel helpless to how others are making you feel. All of us have the ability to take responsibility for our own emotions. That sounds like a nice sentence but what does it mean in practical terms? The key to a healthy emotional state is controlling our own emotions.

I make myself angry, and you make yourself angry too. Own it. Take responsibility for it. That is the first step to a healthy emotional state of being. When you accept this, the notion of you making yourself angry, you can then start to cultivate a healthy mental and emotional state of being. I’m not suggesting that you never allow yourself to feel angry ever again. That would be unhealthy. You see, there are healthy and unhealthy emotions and we need to recognise them when they occur and react appropriately. I used to find myself screaming at the television. Usually whenever a soap opera was on. Soap opera’s thrive on conflict, and there is a very large dose of it everyday on TV. I learnt to accept the reality that I could do nothing to change all the conflict on TV. I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t angry anymore. Instead I felt calm, so too can you, if you begin practising emotional responsibility. That was an example of unhealthy anger. Allowing small things to effect our mood strongly.

What if you’d placed your trust in someone, who you consider a close friend of colleague. The front door key to your house while you were away on holiday. They said they were more than happy to feed the cats while you were away. But you got back from holiday to find your cat’s malnourished and their food bowls empty for what was probably a good few days. Should you feel angry? Yes you should. Someone abusing your trust is a deplorable way to behave and so you have every right to be angry with that person.

I hope I have made it clear the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. It’s important not to prevent yourself from feeling healthy anger in a situation that many would expect to feel a certain amount of healthy anger. Don’t forget: unhealthy anger can be controlled by exercising emotional responsibility and will help you identify triggers that cause you to feel unhealthy angry.

By Ray Stone

Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.org
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert

Anger Management Techniques

Gain Control Of Your Anger Now With These Steps:

1. Breathe deep and long breaths. Be sure to open your belly and breathe deep into your abdomen. You may not know it, but when you’re angry you’re panicking. This will help you to calm down.

2. Walk outside and look at the sky while you’re doing your deep breathing. This will help you to put things in perspective, and it can have a soothing effect.

3. Do some stretches. When you’re angry your body gets tense and rigid. The stretching will open up some of the tight areas of your body and get more oxygen flowing to your brain and help you clear your thoughts.

4. Get some paper and start writing. Write about how mad you are and why. Don’t be nice, reasonable or rational. The point is to get your anger out on the paper, to purge it from your mind. Keep writing until you feel some relief or release, and don’t stop until you do. For more help with this type of exercise, check out this book.

5. Write about what you have to be grateful for, what you appreciate about your life, your self and (if you can) the person you are mad at. For help with this, check out Dr. DeFoore’s newsletter GOODFINDING, or his GOODFINDING CD.

6. Imagine that you are at the funeral of the person you are mad at. What would you say. What would you miss about that person if they were gone?

7. If you know how, pray. Pray for God to guide you through this dark time. Pray for the grace to see the beauty and vulnerability in the person you are mad at. Pray for the wisdom to see beyond the view of the person or situation that makes you so angry.

8. Imagine that you are the person you are mad at. Put yourself in their shoes. Look at the situation from their viewpoint. How do you look to them? Is that how you want to look? Decide who and how you want to be and act as if you were that already.

9. Remember a time in your childhood when you were afraid, hurt or angry. In your imagination, embrace that child, saying “It’s okay. I’m here. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a good kid. I love you just like you are. I’m not going to leave you.” Then take the child (your child self) out of the situation to a safe place where s/he can relax, heal or even play. Learn about the Nurturing Your Inner Child CD or download.

10. Think about your values. What is the most important thing in the world to you. Who are the most important people in the world to you? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? Decide that you are that person and you are living by your values, and act as if it were so. This is the fastest way to change your emotions, and it puts you in touch with your true nature, the way you were designed to be.

Remember, inside, you are a good person who wants to help. Think, act and make decisions from that good person that you are, and you can’t go wrong!

By William G. DeFoore, Ph.D. http://www.defoore.com

Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.org
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert

The Best Ways To Deal With Anger

Anger is an emotion that you feel when something irritates you. It can be just a small annoyance or full blown out rage. Your perception of anger was learned, in the form of beliefs and values that were instilled in you. Usually, in the early stages of your emotional development. When any of your beliefs or values are questioned or transgressed, you may feel anger. The degree of intensity depends on your state of mind at the particular time of the incident.

Your feelings of anger are either expressed, as in the form of arguing or physically lashing out, or suppressed. Suppressed anger causes negative emotions to dominate, which can lead to depression. It can also express itself as a physical ailment such as high blood pressure.

Expressing anger is said to be your better alternative. Although it may bring you some relief, it also has its downside. It may compound the problem and it can also affect you physically. One of the physical side effects is that it lowers your immune system. What would be one of the best ways to deal with anger?

Release. The first thing you need to do is to recognize and admit that you are angry. Never pretend you are not angry when you know you are. It is widely accepted that people who always want to be in control seem to suffer mostly from outbursts of anger. When you are angry, you will notice that you stop breathing periodically. You may tend to hold your breath, so keep breathing with intervals of deep breathing. Then, recognize the problem for what it is, and not for what you think it is. After all, you are dealing with somebody else’s beliefs and value system. Just tell yourself, they also have a right to express their opinions.

When you do get angry, much of the blood in your brain flows to the back of your head. It goes to the primitive part of the brain were it automatically prepares you for fight or flight. The frontal lobes of the brain (in the forehead are) are associated with thought, pleasure, creativeness, and calmness.

Simply put two fingers on one side of your forehead and your thumb on the other side, and just gently hold them there while breathing without any pauses. The blood will flow back to your frontal lobes, bringing about some calmness. When you feel relaxed and the issue or issues don’t not bother you anymore, release your finger and thumb from your forehead. And of course you can also apply this technique to someone else, and it is especially effective with infants.

By Richard Link http://www.Mindeze.com

Anger Management Classes available 7 days a week in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.org
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert