Domestic Violence vs. Anger Management

Domestic Violence can happen to anybody, anytime. As opposed to general perception, it doesn’t affect any particular type of community or family. The rich and the poor have become victims of domestic violence. No matter what your standing in society is you could be a victim of domestic violence.

Though, the perpetrator is most often a man, in a few cases women also are responsible for domestic violence. Domestic violence takes place between married couples, un-married couples and people in homosexual relationships. Domestic violence is not an isolated incident that takes place. It is generally characterized by patterns of boisterous behavior, abuse, intimidation and control.

Domestic violence is a legally punishable offense. Criminal violence includes physical and sexual abuse. Verbal abuse is not punishable under law but can nevertheless have an appalling effect on the victim. Children are the worst sufferers in the entire situation. They end up with severe trauma and psychological scars that may last a lifetime.

The story of domestic violence in most occasions is the saga of control and power. It is about one person wielding power over the other. Many times it is also associated with anger related behavioral disorders. In many cases the victim is kept behind closed doors and not allowed to communicate with anyone outside the home. In extreme cases he/she is not allowed to even venture outside the house or call anyone. Children live in fear and experience difficulties sleeping and become withdrawn. More often than not children are aware of the abuse but can’t fathom what to do about it.

Domestic violence is all around us. When we witness domestic violence we are often under the notion that they are personal issues and we ought not to interfere. This is a wrong stance to take. We are not aware of how many innocent lives we could have saved had we made that call at the right time. The next time you come across domestic violence don’t look the other way. Offer to help or at least contact someone who can. You never know if someday you may need help too.

Sufferers who put up with years of domestic violence usually have nowhere else to go. They are dependent on the abusers for financial support and may have kids to consider. Though, alcohol and substance abuse worsen the problem of domestic violence they are not considered to be the causes for it. Generally the abusers have underlying issues of inferiority complex, insecurity, low self-esteem, pent-up rage and frustration. Little things drive them over the edge to become full time wife-bashers.

If you are a victim of domestic violence don’t hesitate to seek help. Keep phone numbers of the police and local volunteer groups handy. If you have children try moving them to a safe haven like a friend or family’s place. Keep a cell-phone nearby at all times just in case an emergency occurs.

Domestic Violence and Anger Management: Anger Management is frequently used as a tool to curb Domestic Violence. But many victims of abuse claim that this doesn’t help since domestic violence is not an isolated crime of passion that occurs when anger takes over. Rather, it is premeditated and planned over a period of time to control and manipulate the victim. It has more to do with power and less to do with anger. Batters should be referred to a Batters Intervention & Prevention Program (BIPP) vs. Anger Management Classes; however more and more courts are sending them to both programs.

For information about Batters Intervention & Prevention Program (BIPP) visit and for Anger Management Classes visit .

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers

Study Reveals the Angriest Americans

VAndrea Thompson
Senior Writer

Anger is more likely among the young, those with children at home, and the less educated, a new study finds.

A national survey of 1,800 Americans aged 18 and older questioned participants on how and when they feel angry in order to build “a broader social portrait of anger in the United States,” said study researcher Scott Schieman, now at the University of Toronto.

These angry emotions range from mild annoyance to yelling and feelings of outrage.

While anger is a normal human emotion, it could be detrimental if you hold on to it too long. And those who express their anger might actually live longer than those who keep it bottled in, one study found.

The results of the survey, conducted in 2005 and to be published next year, showed several key connections to anger.

For one, people under 30 experienced anger of all forms or intensities more frequently than did older adults. This was mainly due to the fact that young people are more likely to be affected by three core stressors that can trigger angry feelings, Schieman said:

Time pressures
Economic hardship
Interpersonal conflict at the workplace

Time pressures had the strongest link to anger, especially low-grade versions termed “feelings of annoyance,” the study found.

Those who were under financial strain tended to report higher levels of anger, a connection that could be particularly important in today’s flagging economy, Schieman noted. The financial influence tended to be stronger among women and younger adults.

Having children was also associated with angry feelings and behaviors, such as yelling, particularly in women, the survey found.

“There’s obviously a lot of joys and benefits that come with parenthood,” but other aspects of parenting, such as having to discipline a misbehaving child, can cause feelings of anger and annoyance, Schieman said.

Those with fewer years of education were also more likely to report feelings of anger and were less likely to respond proactively in a situation that made them angry (for example, talking about what made them angry).

“It underscores the power of getting more education,” Schieman said. Education has been linked to feeling more self-control, which could be why those with more education tend to manage their anger more proactively, he told LiveScience.

Schieman’s findings will be detailed in a chapter of the forthcoming International Handbook of Anger, to be released in January 2010.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
Houston, Texas

Anger Management for Partner Abuse

Have you heard the story of a guy who shot his girlfriend full in the face? Are you aware of her plight as she struggles on without a nose and only the back of her head? Well, she was a victim of partner abuse. If you are a victim of partner abuse get help or get out before it’s too late.

Partner abuse is abuse committed by a spouse, ex-spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend and ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. Partner abuse also takes place in homosexual relationships (gays and lesbians).

Partner abuse is all about power, control and manipulation. An abusive relationship is multifaceted. It is a blend of emotions like anger, depression, fear, hostility, rage and dependence. It is even more complicated when children are involved. The victim may put up with the abuse for the sake of the children.  

Partner abuse does not just happen overnight. An abusive partner generally displays signs at the very beginning of a relationship. These signs are normally passed off as momentary lapses. Before you realize it, abuse occurs in all its glory and you feel you’ve already invested too much in the relationship to get out. Perhaps, this is the reason why many partners keep going back to abusive relationships before they eventually bail out.  

Abuse among partners takes shape in several ways like physical, verbal, sexual and emotional abuse. Physical abuse involves violence. Raising hands, kicking, pushing, punching and slapping are all forms of physical abuse to partners. Verbal abuse includes screaming and using profanity. Sexual abuse entails forcing sexual relations on an unwilling partner. Emotional abuse involves threatening, blackmail and intimidation.  

The astonishing thing about partner abuse is that it is not restricted to any particular community or echelon of society. Anyone can become an unwitting victim of partner abuse. Affluence, beauty and talent do not assure you of a life free of partner abuse. Celebrities and regular people have fallen prey to partner abuse.

An interesting fact is that most of the abusers are men while the majority of victims are women. Partner abuse can also be extremely traumatic if children are involved. Kids carry emotional scars for years to come and may in turn become abusers themselves. Extreme cases in partner abuse have seen the aggressive partner shooting, burning and even murdering the victim.

Reaching out for help: Society is changing. Things are no longer being kept under wraps. Abusive cases are being reported as never before. Action by volunteer groups and policemen makes all the difference in the world. If you are a victim of partner abuse, the sensible thing to do is get help immediately. Help for yourself and your abusive partner as well. If things are burgeoning out of control, ask for intervention from the police or take help from a crisis center. If things haven’t gone that far it’s advisable to speak to a friend or relative. If you are an abusive partner, you need counseling sessions to get to the heart of the matter. The best thing to do would be to move out for a few days until your issues are tackled.   

Anger Management and Partner Abuse: It is observed that abusive partners tend to suffer from anger management issues. Abuse is often the result of buried emotions of anger and rage. Anger by itself is not a primary emotion. It stems out of more basic emotions like insecurity, depression, hopelessness and fear. Perhaps, a childhood traumatic experience that was suppressed causes an abuser to behave in this fashion. He could be a victim of abuse himself when he was a child. Things become easier once you get to the crux of the matter. If an abusive partner is taught to manage anger, half the battle is won. Anger management in abusive relationships involves expressing feelings and stating needs to release suppressed anxiety and fury.

This writer believes men and/or women who abuse their partners could benefit from an anger management program that focuses on teaching skills in anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence skills; however anyone who commits domestic violence should also be referred to a Batter’s Prevention and Intervention Program (BIPP).

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers

Disruptive Anger in the Workplace

The workplace is a melting point of people from different backgrounds, cultures and communities. Conflicts and differences of opinion are bound to occur. Add to that deadlines, work pressures and responsibilities and you get an entire workplace drama.

Newspapers frequently enumerate stories of employees going over the edge and shooting their colleagues or destroying company property. Ex-employees turn out to be spiteful and reveal confidential information to competitors. Some retaliate by wiping out years of company data and wrecking back-up files.

Manpower is a resource that has to be handled with care. Rough handling can be highly detrimental to the morale and productivity of the organization as a whole.

Workplace anger is experienced at all levels beginning from line staff and ending with executives and managers. However, it has been observed that lower levels of the hierarchy react more violently as compared to higher level executives. Perhaps, this is due to lack of proper training and orientation. Top executives on the other hand get more exposure to soft skills and communication programs. Prompting strikes and damaging property is more frequent among factory workers and daily wage earners. Executives retaliate differently. They may resort to back-biting, manipulation, intimidation and spite to release their resentment. It’s difficult to say which is the lesser of the two evils: getting violent or acting malicious.

Both are detrimental to the overall work environment. While violence is dangerous to lives and property, silent sufferance creates a negative atmosphere and dampens morale.

Reasons for Workplace Anger: Listed below are of the common reasons for anger at the workplace:

 Leaves not granted
 Regular overtime at the workplace
 No appreciation for good performance
 Promotions awarded to “yes men” as opposed to good performers
 Salary hikes not approved
 Overly critical supervisors or managers
 Partiality towards certain employees
 Termination of employment
Steps to curb Workplace Anger: Managers should be cognizant of the first signs of aggression. Absenteeism, late-coming, tardiness and deterioration in performance are some warning signals.
• Organizations should invest in Anger Management Programs at regular intervals to enable employees to express feelings and release pent-up emotions.
• One-to-one sessions with employees should take place regularly even when no problems are apparent. This helps prevent any lurking anger issues that may blow up later.
• Active listening and conversations in informal settings should be encouraged to make people feel at ease and open up.
• Proper systems for complaints and grievances must be established. Every complaint must be dealt with within a specified time frame.
• If an employee has to be terminated, it has to be done as civilly as possible. They should not be made to feel small and humiliated.

Stress Management to control Workplace Anger: Most of our stress is associated with work. Work pressure is on the rise. We are expected to be faster, brighter and more efficient than we already are. A disappointment with our job leads to depression and anger. Hence, controlling stress helps in controlling workplace anger. Being on cordial terms with our colleagues and superiors helps minimize stress at work. It’s not possible to be on good terms with everybody at the workplace. However, even a couple of supportive co-workers can prevent work from becoming a living hell.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers

How Do I Know if I Need Anger Management Classes?

anger2There are many ways to know if you need an anger management class, but only a few examples are listed here.  If you are not sure if you need an anger management class, consult a professional and get an anger management evaluation.

Some indications that you have an anger management problem are that you are controlling, use intimidation or manipulation, feel chronic hostility, have frequent interpersonal conflicts, or are known by others to be an angry employee, an angry boss or angry spouse.  If you are questioning whether your anger is problematic, the following questions may help you better decide:

  • Do I use anger in the workplace?
  • Do I have trouble expressing feelings other than anger?
  • Do I engage in angry behaviors to the point of harassment or abuse?
  • Do I confuse assertiveness with anger?
  • Have I ever thought that I need help to manage my anger?
  • Have I been told that I use intimidation or manipulation in relationships?
  • Have I been told that I am controlling?
  • Do I find myself blowing up in times of stress?
  • Do I have chronic stress?
  • Do I do property damage, make threats, get into physical fights, and yell?
  • Do I find myself focusing on things, situations and people and becoming angry?
  • Do I find myself interrupting others, becoming impatient, not able to listen?
  • Do I resist seeking compromise, or coming to an honest compromise, when there is conflict?
  • Do I have trouble stating my needs and become resentful when others do not meet them?
  • Do I have effective techniques for stress management?

These are some of the questions that can help you decide if you may need anger management classes.  The professional who will conduct an anger management assessment will ask similar questions to help you determine if anger management classes can decrease your stress, lower anger levels, improve your coping skills in everyday life, improve your relationships, and better equip you to meet your own personal goals. If you have problematic anger, anger management classes will help you in all these areas by increasing your emotional intelligence—your awareness of emotional states, and your knowledge of how to manage them appropriately.  As your emotional intelligence increases through anger management classes, you will find that many, many areas of your life improve.  Anger is a natural emotion, but what we do with anger can make our lives unmanageable and problematic or can create a life in which we are more successful and less stressed.

An anger management assessment will identify your current emotional intelligence—what you know about emotions in yourself and others, how to express emotions appropriately and how to manage them successfully.  Anger management classes will increase emotional intelligence giving you the tools you need to be less stressed, in more satisfying relationships, manage your workplace experience more effectively and, overall, improve your daily coping and performance.

It would most helpful if the anger management class curriculum focuses on anger management, stress management, assertive communication skills, and emotional intelligence.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers

Anger Management and Assertive Communication

A relationship is not always a walk in the park. More often than not it is fraught with stress,anxiety and apprehension. This happens because two individuals in a relationship are constantly changing and growing with time.

The beginning of a relationship is superficial. Partners are at their best and all flaws are concealed. As they become comfortable with one another, all character flaws come to the surface and they start behaving like the people they really are.
Anger has become a cause for concern in many relationships. Wife beating, verbal abuse and temper tantrums are prevalent in many broken homes and marriages. Anger kills marriages and destroys lives.
Communication is the foundation stone of any relationship. No relationship can survive without communication. Relationships fail when there is a breakdown of communication between the partners. When we are angry, our thinking process becomes hazy and we sometimes raise our voices and even our fists.
The worst part about anger is that we tend to vent it on people we love the most. This is because we think the person isn’t going anywhere and therefore we make him/her an unwilling recipient for the worst of our tempers and frustrations. When this happens, we often find ourselves wondering when love flew out of the window. Well, perhaps the love is still there, but then, so is the anger.
When an argument erupts between couples, it is generally characterized by raving and ranting. Each attempts to prove that he/she is right. This one up-manship over the other only creates more problems. Ultimately, they end up fighting for fightings sake. After a few hours even the main reason for the quarrel may be long forgotten as each one takes the other head-on. Past blunders and petty issues are brought up as each viciously tears the other apart. Slamming doors and flinging objects becomes a habit. Hostility becomes a way of life. This is a typical case of collapse of communication when anger takes over.
Assertive Communication to Control Anger in Relationships: It is critical to use assertiveness when dealing with anger related issues in a relationship. Aggression only gives birth to violence and misery. On the other hand, avoidance to deal with anger displays weakness and timidity. A balance must be struck to keep the channels of communication flowing. In a crisis situation, rather than behaving like spoilt brats, partners should sit down and discuss the issue civilly. Active listening is important to understand the emotions of the other. Each one should be allowed to speak without interruptions. Anger often is a cover for deep-seated emotions like low self-worth, guilt, insecurity and depression. An attempt must be made to get to the root cause of the problem. Speaking politely and maintaining an unruffled exterior helps a great deal in soothing frayed nerves. Playing the blame game is definitely not an option. If the situation is overly tense, it is better to agree to take a break and do something you enjoy. Things like gardening, reading and television can be used to take the mind off worries. Once both partners calm down, they should try to come to a conclusion without biting the others head off. The tone of your voice should not be accusing and high-pitched. On the other hand whining and nagging is also a put-off. Being polite and courteous pays off. Assertive Communication is a good strategy to control and minimize the negative effects of anger on a relationship.
Anger and Fear control skills can be learned in an anger management program, it would be most helpful if the curriculum focused on anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence.
Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.
Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.
Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers


What is Anger: Identifying the Need for Help with Anger

anger 5Anger is an emotional state.  It can be triggered by both internal and external cues.  As an emotion, anger is a natural response and serves many purposes. It is based in human biology (as are other emotions) and serves us through the survival drive in its most fundamental form.  Anger is a strong protective force.  It creates physiological responses that signal us and prepare us to take action if needed by the drive to survive. 

 Apart from its basic and instinctual purpose, however, anger is also useful in protecting one’s self psychologically and emotionally.  Feelings of anger can signal, for example, that one feels taken advantage of, dismissed or violated in some way.  It helps us to set boundaries when such conditions have arisen. 

Anger is typically driven by perception and interpretation of events and situations.  Do I perceive danger?  Do I perceive threat?  These are the unspoken, often consciously unthought questions that our anger will answer.  Additionally, anger is a subjective, very personal response.  What angers one may not even be noteworthy to another.  In many important ways, personal history and how we have learned to cope with others and the world will determine whether or not anger is experienced.  Similarly, personal history and coping patterns will determine how angry one will be.

Anger becomes problematic when behaviors follow that are harmful to yourself or others.  Anger is also problematic when behaviors create the risk of harm to self or others.  For many individuals who do not behave in anger to the point of aggression or physical self-harm, anger can be sabotaging enough to create significant problems.  For example, anger is problematic if one’s goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing are compromised by anger.  Similarly, the individual who is chronically angry may sabotage his own goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Certainly, anger is problematic when aggression and violence are used to express anger.  Harm to others through physical expressions, or threats of such, can have serious social and legal consequences.  Ultimately, the feeling of anger and the use of angry behavior can control one’s life. Consequently, negative consequences occur and accumulate.  While anger itself is a normal, very human emotion, aggressive behaviors are typically not.  Aggressions, and threats of aggression, are emergency responses. 

Disruptive patterns of angry behavior that are ‘out of proportion’ for the seriousness of the triggering event need intervention. 

Managing anger can be learned by attending an Anger Management Program; it would be in your best interest if the program curriculum focuses on anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence.   

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers