Anger and Aggression Myths

Some popular beliefs about anger are myths.  Challenging these myths is an important aspect of learning anger management techniques and skills.  The following are some of the typical ‘anger myths’ that anger management classes can debunk.  In doing so, participants in anger management begin to better understand the nature of anger.  Consequently, with an greater understanding of what anger is and how it works, people with problematic anger can effectively manage anger and its related behaviors.  Increased knowledge of what anger is and isn’t and what aggression is and isn’t can empower people who have difficulty controlling their anger and angry behaviors.

Myths about anger and aggression:
• It’s not good to be angry.
• Anger will be eliminated if anger management classes are effective
• Anger always leads to aggression
• Anger is uncontrollable
• Others will take kindness as weakness
• Violence is always the result of anger
• It is always a good idea to vent anger
• Anger is a sign of strength
• Anger is a sign of weakness
• Anger motivates people to do well
• Anger is natural in business
• Anger is necessary in business
• If you don’t show anger others will take advantage of you
• If you don’t show anger others will harm you
• You only get angry with someone if you care about them
• People black out with anger and so it can’t be controlled
• When people black out with anger they aren’t responsible for what they do
• When people are aggressive when they are intoxicated they aren’t responsible for what they do
• If certain people didn’t use substances they wouldn’t have anger management problems
• Anger solves tough problems
• Anger just happens
• Other people make you angry
• Anger is necessary to demonstrate authority
• Anger keeps people in line
• Anger is inherited
• Domestic violence is an anger control problem
• You won’t get what you need if you don’t get angry
• Angry people are dangerous
• One should never get angry at work
• One should never be angry with parents, children or other significant others
• If you get angry with someone that means your relationship is unhealthy
• It’s better to be angry than to be sad
• Anger keeps you going when things are tough
• Sometimes you have to show them you mean business
• Men are supposed to be aggressive
• Nice women don’t get angry
• Women aren’t aggressive

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute

What Are The Early Signs Of A Batterer?

Domestic violence is all about control over another person.  Young men and women can learn to recognize the early signs of a batterer by the way that the man behaves.  There can also be clues in the past of the batterer that indicate whether or not he is likely to become violent towards his wife or children.

For many years, domestic violence would only rear its ugly head after a couple was married.  It was at this point when a batterer would have control over his wife and would start to exhibit this control.  It might start out small with verbal abuse and then escalate to physical violence that included sexual abuse.  In almost all case, a person will continue to commit the crime of domestic violence unless they receive the proper counseling that teaches them different behavior patterns.

Today, however, there is an increase over younger people being subjected to dating violence.  Dating violence is on the rise in high schools and even grammar schools.  Again, this usually starts with verbal abuse and then escalates to violence.  Parents should be aware of the aspect of dating violence in society so that they can spot the signs.

Early signs of someone who will be a batterer is the desire for control.  They will want to control the other person as much as possible and will usually want to spend as much time with them as possible.  Incessant telephone calls, a constant need to know where a person is all of the time can seem flattering at first for the person who is soon to be the victim of someone who is extremely controlling.  The behavior starts to affect their lives to the point where they are cutting themselves off of friends.   The typical batterer will use isolation as a form of control as well, cutting the victim off from family and friends who he sees as being interfering.

A batterer will usually choose someone who is easy to manipulate and control.  Violence at first is usually followed by an apology or even gifts with a promise never to do this again.  When the violence occurs the second time, it is usually more intense.  It continues to escalate.

Women who are dating men who are very controlling might at first find the constant attention paid to them by these men flattering at first.  However, a need to control someone else as well as their environment is an early warning sign of someone with the potential of being a batterer,  often verbal abuse and emotional abuse will take place prior to actual violence.  Once the line of violence is crossed, however, it will continue to grow until the relationship is ends.  Those who feel the need to control another individual should seek help with a battering intervention and prevention program before violence begins.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute

Aggression, Anger Management and Domestic Violence

Aggression is a behavior that harms, or seeks to harm, someone.  It also is behavior that does or attempts to do property damage.  Aggression includes mental, emotional and psychological abuse as well as violence such as physical assault, vandalism and other destruction of property (even one’s own).  Other aggression can also be reckless and endangering behaviors such as driving recklessly, the reckless handling of firearms or other behavior that could potentially harm another person or property. Reckless and endangering behavior conveys a strong message that the safety of others (and their property) is not important.  Furthermore, reckless and endangering behaviors ‘say’ that if others are harmed or there is property loss that is not important.  Verbal abuse—the use of words to coerce, threaten, intimidate or humiliate another person, is also considered to be aggressive behavior.  Stalking through physical presence or by technological means such as phone calls, text messaging, and emails is also aggressive behavior.

It is a myth that anger leads to aggression or that aggression is a natural expression of anger.  Many erroneously believe that the emotion of anger will, over time, build to the point that anger will be expressed through aggression.  There are some individuals who go very quickly and habitually to aggressive behavior whenever the emotion of anger is felt and for these people, aggression naturally flows from their experience of the emotion anger.  Many individuals with anger management problems never use aggression but benefit significantly from the skills and techniques taught in anger management classes. Anger without physical aggression is still an anger management problem.

Another form of aggression is used by individuals who engage in intimate partner abuse.  This type of aggression stems from a choice to exert dominance over the intimate partner.  In these situations aggression can be done without the buildup of emotion as is seen in people with anger management problems.  Although a batterer of intimate partners, if observed during aggression, may use the same behaviors as those who express anger through aggression, battering is not typically an issue of anger management.

Domestic violence has its roots in very different dynamics than does aggression that is the result of unmanaged anger.  Very specifically, domestic violence stems from beliefs and attitudes about intimate relationships and the need for dominance, power and control over partners that are considered ‘less than’ the aggressor in worth and status.  Management of battering requires treatment that is significantly different than treatment for anger management.  The issues of interpersonal power and control dynamics within intimate relationships must be addressed and corrected.  Anger management, on the other hand, addresses the ineffective and, at times, dangerous mishandling of strong emotion.

People with anger management problems can learn to use techniques that prevent aggression.  Anger management involves the controlling of anger escalation so that aggression does not occur in those who escalate emotionally to such behavior.  In contrast, domestic violence treatment focuses upon the beliefs and attitudes about intimate relationships and partners that make partner abuse and aggression an option or choice.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute

What Are The Laws Concerning Domestic Violence?

Years ago, there were no laws that regulated domestic violence.  A mans home was considered to be his castle and what he did inside that home, regardless of whether he beat his wife or kids, was his own affair.  Women who sought help for spousal abuse were often told by community members and even church clergy to endure a beating and were often blamed themselves for having brought the domestic violence on themselves.  Those who did concede that this behavior was inappropriate would often blame alcohol abuse for the problem.

Today, there are laws in every state that affect how domestic violence is handled.   They vary from county to county, although police officers are required to file a report and make an arrest in the case of any domestic violence action.  In many states, there is a cooling off period where batterers are put into jail for twenty four hours, giving others in the home to go to a shelter or another place.  The batterers are usually given a certain period of time in which they have to stay away from the victim.  A victim can receive counseling and also get a restraining order against those who perpetrate domestic violence against them.   Needless to say, the laws against domestic violence have gotten stricter as time has gone on, although many victims drop the charges against the abuser.

In most cases of domestic abuse, the police are called repeatedly to a home because of this problem.  They file a report, the batterers go to jail, get out and then the couple reconcile.  A wife beater will often blame a problem for their behavior and promise to change.  This usually does not work and the violence continues  In most cases, domestic abuse will start to escalate as time goes on.  It might not only include the spouse but also children as well.  When it comes to child abuse, authorities will remove children from any dangerous situation and place them in the care of relatives or with the state.  Teachers, scout leaders and others have an obligation to report any signs they see of child abuse to authorities so that it can be investigated.

There are laws today that protect innocent people in a family from batterers.  In many states, those who are convicted of domestic battery are ordered to undergo a battering intervention and prevention program (BIPP Classes) that teaches them to modify their behavior so that they do not continue to perpetrate violence.  These programs work when the batterers realize that the fault lies within themselves, confront their past as well as their own crime and then learn behavior modification so that they do not resort to abusive behavior in the future.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute

What Is Emotional Abuse – The Effects Of Abuse

Mention abuse or abusive behavior to most people and they will automatically think about violence, such as wife beater crime that they see on television.  They will conjure up an image in their head of a man who beats his wife and possibly his children being led away by the police in handcuffs.  However, domestic abuse takes many forms, including emotional abuse which can be just as damaging and leave the same scars on the victims.

Emotional abuse can take many forms.  Both men and women are equally liable for emotional abuse in a relationship.  In most cases, this form of abuse is not relegated strictly between the spouses in a family situation, but also on children.  Emotional abuse differs from verbal abuse as it is more subtle.  Where we may see verbal abuse as name calling and loud tirades of screaming, emotional abuse can be something as subtle as constantly putting someone down for any efforts that they make.

Anyone can be a victim of emotional abuse.  The tricky thing about this form of abuse is that technically it is not a crime.  While batterers will face a criminal charge for attacking others with violence, emotional abuse is something that usually occurs for the length of the relationship.  Emotional abuse from a parent to a child can even follow them into adulthood.

One form of emotional abuse that is not often discussed is a parent who continually looks for shortcomings in their child.  A child may strive desperately to please their parent or parents in their endeavors, only to be cut to the quick when the parent rejects their efforts.  Those who perpetrate emotional abuse usually have a very low self esteem and are people who although may appear congenial to others, are difficult to please by those around them.  A child who grows up with emotional abuse will typically have a very low self esteem that will make them act out in various ways.  They may seek to gain emotional fulfillment by looking for it through others, often not in healthy ways.

Abuse is all about control.  This goes for sexual abuse, violence, spiritual abuse as well as emotional abuse.  Those who perpetrate any form of abuse are usually seeking to control another person through their behavior.  Some of the abusive behavior is evident and can be spotted and even prosecuted as a crime.  However, in the case of emotional abuse, the crime is hidden.  Many children who are the victims of emotional abuse by their parents never even realize the extent of the abuse until long into adulthood .  In many cases, children who are victims of emotional abuse will perpetrate the same abuse onto their own children, often without even realizing that they are doing this.

For Anger Management Classes in Houston, TX and BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute