Understanding Your Own Anger Management Problem

An anger problem is one that hurts you and/or someone else.  The consequences of an anger control problem can be as various and individualized as people themselves.  Some consequences of an anger control problem are broken relationships, social isolation, loss of employment, physical harm to self or others, commission of crimes, incarceration, property damage, property loss, loss of reputation, loss of self-esteem and self-respect, and the loss of hopes and dreams.  Each person in an anger management class will have their own stories of how anger has damaged their lives.

While anger is an emotional state, it can take many forms that vary in the intensity of how it is felt and how it is expressed.  Both the emotion of anger and angry behaviors can be mild, moderate or severe.  We commonly recognize the various intensities of anger in the language we use every day– irritated, upset, mad, angry, livid, furious, enraged and so on.

Whatever the intensity of anger, each of these ‘levels’ of the emotion will carry with them the same physiological and biological changes that occur in the body during an episode of anger.  These bodily changes are the foundation for anger of any type:  increased heart rate, increased blood pressure and increased levels of adrenalin and other hormones.  Meant to assist us in emergencies, these biological and physiological processes, over time, can tax the body, creating yet other types of problems for people with anger management problems. Health issues are not uncommon for people who live with frequent or chronic anger.

Whether anger comes in bouts or is chronic, whether is it mild or severe, how frequently it comes, what is done with it when it comes and what the consequences of anger are for you are some of the questions you will answer in anger management classes. Further, learning your own personal triggers—the internal or external events that trigger anger and how your body feels (bodily cues) when anger is triggered and escalating is essential as you learn to have greater self-control.

Very quickly, the participant in anger management classes will find that much of what will bring greater self-control is greater self-awareness.  Examining your own patterns, triggers, cues and behaviors will create your own individualized picture of how anger and angry behaviors have become problematic in your life.  While each ‘picture’ of anger control problems is unique, the underlying dynamics of gaining greater self-control are not.  There are principles of anger management that work across the board, helping people with various ‘personal profiles’.  Anger management classes will give you an opportunity to learn about yourself in detail as you create your own ‘profile’ by using techniques and tools provided by your anger management specialist.  With increased awareness and increased knowledge comes greater self-control, the ultimate goal of anger management.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Domestic Abuse – What Is Abuse?

Many people think that domestic abuse is strictly between a husband and wife or two people who are co-habiting with one another.  This is not the case when it comes to domestic abuse.  By most laws, anyone who is in a relationship, regardless of whether they are living together or not, can be a perpetrator or victim of this crime.

Another assumption people make about domestic abuse is that it is between adults only.  The stereotype of the typical wife beater is an example.  A man who comes home and hits his wife is usually termed a wife beater.  When people think about domestic abuse, they often envision this type of scenario.  Very often, domestic abuse encompasses the entire family.  This often includes child abuse where one or both of the parents also take out their rage on the children who become victims of this crime.  There are cases where both partners abuse the children or where one of the partners inflicts child abuse.

Domestic abuse does not always take the form of physical abuse.  It is important for people to realize that abuse takes many forms and is not always domestic violence.  Emotional abuse, sexual abuse and verbal abuse are also part of this type of behavior.  This type of abuse is also often inflicted on children in a relationship in which one or both of the partners are abusive.

All forms of domestic abuse is considered to be a crime.  Emotional abuse can be just as damaging to the victim as physical abuse, but often goes unreported.  This is particularly true in the case where this type of domestic abuse is perpetrated against children.  Sexual abuse is often stigmatized by abuse against children, although this form of abuse is often perpetrated by one adult against another in a relationship.

According to statistics, most of those who are arrested for domestic abuse are men.  The most common form of domestic abuse is domestic violence by a boyfriend or husband against a woman.  Second comes child abuse, again most often perpetrated by men against children in a relationship, most often not their own biological children.  Sexual abuse is third and again is a crime in which the perpetrators are overwhelmingly male.  These statistics are based upon reports.  However, it is also true that most cases of domestic abuse or violence against a man from a female partner go unreported as men are less likely to report these instances to the police.

There is help for those who are perpetrators of domestic abuse.  The help comes from a prevention program that deals with abusive behavior.  Most people who are abusive have grown up with this type of behavior in which they, themselves, where victims of domestic abuse as children and simply are continuing a cycle that will be passed on to their own children.  With a proper battering intervention program, however, this violent and abusive cycle can be broken.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Anger Problems–The Tip of the Iceberg

The emotion of anger is only the ‘tip of the iceberg’ for people with anger management problems.  Typically, other emotions cause difficulty for these people as well.

Many with anger problems are not as aware of other emotions as they are of anger.  Additionally, people who have trouble controlling and often try to avoid feeling other emotions that are perceived as more painful.  They often seek to suppress other emotions and not let them be known to others.  This can happen for a variety of reasons.  Some believe that other emotions such as grief, sadness and fear will be so overwhelming that they will not be able to cope with them.  Others have come to believe that certain emotions are signs of weakness or ‘breaking down’ and so efforts are made to avoid or suppress them.  Additionally, there are many cultural reasons that individuals avoid certain feelings.  Many of these have to do with the roles of men and women in our society. “Big boys don’t cry” is an example of how men have been affected by traditional messages.  “Kindness is weakness” is another.  There are more that support the notion that “being strong equals being angry or aggressive” and showing other emotions such as sadness, compassion, grief or fear is a sign of inferiority or weakness.

Many people who have trouble controlling their anger simply have a limited awareness of emotional states.  Their limited awareness prevents them from identifying the body’s signals and cues that alert us to the nature of various emotions.  It also causes misinterpretation of others’ emotional cues.  Anger management classes that teach emotional intelligence will increase awareness of emotions and the body’s cues that accompany them.

As awareness of the emotional experience grows, people with problematic anger will typically widen their awareness to include many other emotions that are related to and often underlie or support their anger.

Anger is considered to be the tip of an emotional iceberg for many.  As with icebergs in nature, the vast majority of it is submerged.  Looking deeper, with skills that improve self-awareness, people who have trouble controlling anger will find a body of other emotional sates that can trigger anger and angry behaviors.  Learning to identify these other emotions, to tolerate them and manage them successfully, will typically reduce anger and enhance anger management efforts as well.

Below is a list of other emotions that people in anger management classes have identified as directly related to their anger management problems:
• Fear
• Sadness
• Grief
• Loneliness
• Being overwhelmed
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Panic
• Despair
• Depression
• Feeling rejected
• Feeling abandoned
• Feeling betrayed
• Feeling

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com