More on Using the EQ Map to Develop Emotional Intelligence and Manage Anger

The EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) Map is an assessment tool used in anger management to help you understand why you have difficulty managing your anger.  Furthermore, the EQ Map will help you identify the origins of stress in your life since stress is directly related to anger problems.  The EQ Map also helps pinpoint what problems you have in managing that stress effectively.  It will look at the specifics of problem behaviors in relationships, how you communicate with others, what triggers your anger, stress and problematic behaviors.  By mapping out this type of valuable information about why you have difficulty controlling your anger, the EQ Map becomes a useful tool throughout your efforts in anger management classes and afterwards.

Learning what you typically do when faced with stressful situations, in relationships, in conflict and on a daily basis to manage all of these typical life occurrences empowers you to make changes.  Identifying the exact nature of your anger management problems will enable you to identify the correct and effective solutions. Overall, anger problems can be managed by reducing stress and learning coping skills that will help you in stating your needs through assertiveness, reducing interpersonal conflict by seeking compromise and managing anger by focusing upon improving communication skills and appropriate ways of expressing feelings.

The EQ Map will identify your emotional intelligence—how well you are doing in all of these areas at the time of assessment.  Once your baseline of emotional intelligence is known then you can set realistic goals for learning the necessary skills to reduce stress and improve anger management.  When emotional intelligence is improved your ability to monitor yourself as you grow more stressed will improve.  Your ability to better regulate your emotions will also improve and you will be able to de-escalate yourself before anger becomes problematic.  By learning your triggers—the things that are likely to cause stress and escalate anger—you can prepare yourself for better handling these situations and events.  As your awareness of these things increase so will your ability to have greater self-control.  For people with anger management issues, learning how to have greater self-control will dramatically decrease such problems and allow the more successful accomplishment of goals, improve relationships, improve health and improve the overall quality of daily life.

An investment in anger management classes is truly an investment in yourself, your family, your relationships, your health and your goals.  Becoming more emotionally intelligent is an education that pays off in all areas of life for people who struggle with anger management problems.

For Anger Management & Domestic Violence – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory@emote-institute.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Managing Anger–What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that, when used together, increase the ability a person with problems controlling anger has to decrease stress and reduce anger.  Emotional intelligence improves the person’s social functioning.  It is an awareness of the emotions, emotional triggers, emotional cues and emotional behaviors of one’s self and others.  Learning to monitor these in one’s self increases the ability to have self-control over emotional behaviors.  Learning to monitor these in others improves interactions, relationships and one’s ability to function more appropriately when dealing with others.

Emotional intelligence can be thought of as a sort of IQ of the whole person.  Rather than just a measure of intellectual ability (IQ), emotional intelligence (EQ) takes into account the emotional and social functioning of an individual and, in doing so, gives a more holistic view of how well a person functions.  Emotional intelligence complements the intellect and helps a person make better, more informed decisions and to have better social judgment.

Emotional intelligence works in 4 areas to improve how well a person functions.  These are:

• Self-awareness
• Self-management
• Social awareness, and
• Relationship Management

Individuals in anger management classes will create and work with an emotional intelligence map (an EQ Map) that evaluates these areas of functioning.  Additionally, the EQ Map will evaluate their current environment and what stressors are presently affecting their lives.  It will also identify their coping skills as well as influential personal values and beliefs that affect coping and behavior.  In examining these things, people who have trouble controlling their anger will develop a better understanding of how stress, values, beliefs and their usual coping skills contribute to their anger management problems.  This information can then be used to better understand their social functioning and what problems occur in interactions to create an anger management problem.  As well, this information can highlight what emotionally intelligent skills are missing and should be learned to increase self-control and social functioning.  The EQ Map will help identify the individualized and specific set of skills a person with anger management problems will need to learn and practice.

Emotional intelligence empowers a person to manage emotions, behavior, interactions and relationships.  The uses of emotional intelligence decreases distress and stress.  Additionally, learning emotionally intelligent skills in anger management classes can not only dramatically improve behavior and performance in what are commonly thought of as social relationships, but also in the workplace and community at large.  Overall functioning improves as emotional intelligence and social functioning improve.  The skills are teachable and learnable.  Better self-control requires only the willingness to learn and to practice these valuable skills.

For Anger Management & Domestic Violence – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory@emote-institute.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Anger Management Issues vs. Domestic Violence Issues

Anger management interventions are often mistakenly recommended, or even court-ordered, for individuals who perpetrate domestic violence. This is, in the vast majority of cases, not an appropriate referral and not appropriate treatment for perpetrators of domestic violence. There are significant differences between an individual with chronic anger management problems and an individual who is aggressive with an intimate partner. People who engage in partner abuse are exerting power and control over the partner. In most cases, the behaviors seen in domestic violence situations do not generalize to persons outside that relationship.

Perpetrators of partner abuse will typically be aggressive with each intimate partner once the cycle of partner abuse has begun and so many will have serial abusive relationships with intimate partners. Anger management classes do not address the specifics of battering and other forms of domestic violence although, superficially, anger management may address certain similar issues. For example, many of the thinking patterns and behaviors seen in individuals with anger management problems will also be present in those who are involved in domestic violence perpetration; however, there are significant differences in the dynamics.

One of the reasons batterers, or perpetrators of domestic violence, continue partner abuse is that they do not obtain the proper treatment. Referral to anger management instead of to domestic violence offender treatment, or batterers’ intervention programs, fails to provide the batterer with the awareness and skills needed to break the cycle of intimate partner abuse. Further, referral to anger management can, in fact, give a batterer justification for continuing violence against a partner. This occurs when the concept of ‘out of control’ anger is used to justify behaviors of domestic violence that are choices for the batterer.

Perpetrators of domestic violence will often excuse their own behavior by saying they were ‘out of control’ or ‘blacked out in a rage’; however, these individuals demonstrate great control over their behaviors in many ways. For example, most perpetrators of domestic violence will be able to assume ‘cool, calm and collected’ demeanors if others such as the police intervene. If the individual were truly ‘out of control’ his anger would shift from his partner/victim to the police when they appear.

Domestic violence is about the choice to have and demonstrate power and control over one’s intimate partner. Anger problems involve impulsivity, poor stress management and chronic feelings of various degrees of anger. An individual with anger management issues will typically not be able to discriminate about when and where anger occurs. Additionally, someone with anger management issues will not consistently choose who is the target of anger but will likely have anger toward multiple people for multiple ‘reasons’. Domestic violence, on the other hand, typically occurs behind closed doors and has a specific and intended victim. Anger management problems, conversely, are evident wherever the individual goes.

For Anger Management & Domestic Violence (BIPP) Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory@emote-institute.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Aggression, Anger Management and Domestic Violence

Aggression is a behavior that harms, or seeks to harm, someone. It also is behavior that does or attempts to do property damage. Aggression includes mental, emotional and psychological abuse as well as violence such as physical assault, vandalism and other destruction of property (even one’s own). Other aggression can also be reckless and endangering behaviors such as driving recklessly, the reckless handling of firearms or other behavior that could potentially harm another person or property. Reckless and endangering behavior conveys a strong message that the safety of others (and their property) is not important. Furthermore, reckless and endangering behaviors ‘say’ that if others are harmed or there is property loss that is not important. Verbal abuse—the use of words to coerce, threaten, intimidate or humiliate another person, is also considered to be aggressive behavior.

Stalking through physical presence or by technological means such as phone calls, text messaging, and emails is also aggressive behavior.
It is a myth that anger leads to aggression or that aggression is a natural expression of anger. Many erroneously believe that the emotion of anger will, over time, build to the point that anger will be expressed through aggression. There are some individuals who go very quickly and habitually to aggressive behavior whenever the emotion of anger is felt and for these people, aggression naturally flows from their experience of the emotion anger. Many individuals with anger management problems never use aggression but benefit significantly from the skills and techniques taught in anger management classes. Anger without physical aggression is still an anger management problem.

Another form of aggression is used by individuals who engage in intimate partner abuse. This type of aggression stems from a choice to exert dominance over the intimate partner. In these situations aggression can be done without the buildup of emotion as is seen in people with anger management problems. Although a batterer of intimate partners, if observed during aggression, may use the same behaviors as those who express anger through aggression, battering is not typically an issue of anger management.

Domestic violence has its roots in very different dynamics than does aggression that is the result of unmanaged anger. Very specifically, domestic violence stems from beliefs and attitudes about intimate relationships and the need for dominance, power and control over partners that are considered ‘less than’ the aggressor in worth and status. Management of battering requires treatment that is significantly different than treatment for anger management. The issues of interpersonal power and control dynamics within intimate relationships must be addressed and corrected. Anger management, on the other hand, addresses the ineffective and, at times, dangerous mishandling of strong emotion.

People with anger management problems can learn to use techniques that prevent aggression. Anger management involves the controlling of anger escalation so that aggression does not occur in those who escalate emotionally to such behavior. In contrast, domestic violence treatment focuses upon the beliefs and attitudes about intimate relationships and partners that make partner abuse and aggression an option or choice.

Anger Management & Domestic Violence (BIPP) Classes in Houston, TX

Gregory Kyles, LPC, CAMF
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Domestic Violence Costs $8.3 Billion Annually

from Forbes

Today domestic violence is known as a social, business and health priority in addition to being a criminal issue. Not only does it cause personal suffering, but domestic violence also reduces productivity, leads to absenteeism and drives up health care costs. And unless people are trained to look for it and ask about it, domestic violence is rarely identified.

Full Article:  http://tiny.cc/o81gey

Gregory A. Kyles, LPC, CEAP, PHR, CAMF
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
www.ami-tx.com
www.dvi-tx.com
www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Pseudo-Violence

anger 9aPseudo-violence or ‘near violence’ are the behaviors that threaten, menace and seek to control others without actual physical, ‘hands-on’ aggression.  These types of behaviors seriously impact others and are forms of emotional, psychological and mental abuse.  People with anger management problems often attempt to be controlling of others through intimidation, menacing and other nonverbal threats such as:

  • Posturing in an intimidating way; using body size and presence to communicate “I’m in charge” or “I may hurt you”.  “Getting the message across” by getting too close to others, standing over others, etc.
  • Using forceful gestures such as jabbing, pounding, waving hands, pointing, clenching fists
  • Forcefully handling objects
  • Using facial expressions to communicate anger—rolling eyes, ‘smirking’, staring, clenching teeth, widening eyes
  • Driving recklessly
  • Using body movements such as pacing, moving rapidly, ‘circling’, tapping, bouncing leg, etc.
  • Using defensive body language such as crossing one’s arms, turning one’s back, shaking the head, refusing eye contact, holding up a hand to ‘stop’ the other
  •  ‘Accidently’ bumping into others, dropping things to break them, knocking things over
  • Stalking—appearing unexpectedly, following others in their daily routines, driving by their homes or in their neighborhoods in order to be seen

Such behaviors strongly communicate anger and are forms of manipulation, menacing, and intimidation. They are intended to induce fear.  They are also used to exert dominance and gain control over others and/or situations nonverbally.  While such displays of anger do not use words, they still powerfully communicate anger and threat to whoever is present.  The angry person displays such behavior while focusing upon having others witness it and respond submissively or in fear.

Anger can become obsessive as in stalking behaviors in which the angry person becomes preoccupied with the target of the anger.  Anger can also have other obsessive qualities that do not result in such extreme behavior.  Having thoughts that cannot ‘let go’ of the notion that others have wronged you, need to ‘be taught a lesson’; ‘won’t get away with that’ or other such triggers to a desire for revenge or retaliation are also obsessive.  The amount of time spent in such thoughts can interfere with other activities and eventually can lead to dysfunctional behavior such as outbursts and other confrontations, as well as self-sabotaging and self-destructive behaviors in the workplace and in significant relationships.  The thoughts that preoccupy us will determine behavior.  Frequent anger-related thoughts are a strong indication of anger management problems and a need for an anger management assessment.

Anger Management Classes in Houston, Texas

For additional information about anger control skills visit www.ami-tx.com or call 713-477-9105.

Gregory A. Kyles, LPC, CEAP, PHR, CAMF
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
www.ami-tx.com
www.dvi-tx.com
www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Domestic Violence Institute of Texas: BIPP Resource DVD Trailer

The Domestic Violence institute of Texas is now making available an important Domestic Violence Resource DVD. This DVD is a tool designed to help group facilitators assist male batterers by providing visual tools to help them learn, identify and discuss negative behavior. These tools are an invaluable asset in helping clients in Batterers Intervention and Prevention Programs (BIPP) recognize and correct abusive behavior patterns.

For additional information on how to order the DVD please visit http://www.dvi-tx.com/products/ or call 281-970-6611.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC
Director, Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com