What Are The Causes of Spousal Abuse ?

There are a great many people who will tell you that the cause of spousal abuse is due to a substance problem that the battering partner suffers from. Many women who live with a wife beater will be quick to defend them saying that they are a completely different person when they are not drinking.  This is not the case.  Drinking and drugs does not cause spousal abuse.   Abuse is all about control.  The alcohol or drugs may aid in loosening the control that the batterers feel, but the underlying problem is not in the alcohol or drugs.  If this were the case, no one sober would ever abuse their spouse and everyone who had a drink would become a wife beater.

The causes of spousal abuse are usually found in childhood.  There are traumas, such as child abuse, that can cause someone to seek control over their environment that includes those who are in their environment as well.  Most of the cases of spousal abuse are against women perpetrated by men.  The cause usually lies within childhood and in the way that the man was raised.  In most cases, this is a learned behavior that can be unlearned if the man enters into a battering intervention and prevention program that can help him control his own behavior.

Many women who are the victims of spousal abuse will blame themselves for the abuse that is inflicted upon them.  They tell themselves that if they can only do better, their spouse will stop the abuse.  The wife beater will typically blame the spouse for the abuse and tell her that it is her fault that he is behaving this way.

Unfortunately, in too many cases, domestic violence escalates into severe beatings and even murder.  When a woman finally has enough of the abuse, she often leaves the wife beater who might try to track her down.  Many of these cases end with the abuser not only killing his wife, but also himself.  In some cases, an abuser will also kill the children in the family as well.  Needless to say,  domestic abuse is the fault of the perpetrator of the act, not anyone else in the family nor any drug or alcohol problem.  It is a myth that drugs or alcohol are the cause of domestic violence.

Those who are perpetrators of spousal abuse need to recognize it as a crime as well as a choice in their own behavior and not blame anyone else or any substance for their actions.  Controlling this behavior and un-learning behavior that is often learned in childhood is the key to helping those who are batterers in a battering intervention and prevention program.  These programs work to address the issue itself rather than try to lay blame on substance abuse.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Anger Management and Self-Control

Greater self-control is the ultimate goal of anger management classes.  Gaining self-control reduces anger levels, stress levels and the negative consequences of problematic anger and related behaviors.   Working with the concept of emotional intelligence, anger management classes will teach skills and techniques that increase self-control.

Self-control can be learned.  Building skills that enhance the awareness of emotional information in one’s self and others is a basic building block of emotional intelligence and self-control.  These skills increase the ability to be self-aware, or aware of one’s own stress levels and emotions, bodily cues that accompany stress and emotions and a wider range of options for dealing with all these.
By increasing emotional intelligence you become better equipped to recognize, understand and manage all feelings as well as the stress of daily living.  Anger becomes just one of many feelings that an increased self-awareness makes more manageable.

Self-awareness helps you become more able to monitor feelings as they occur.  Monitoring allows you to break emotional responses down to more manageable parts so that greater and more frequent control is possible.  Consequently, judgment and decision-making in daily life can be more consistent and improved overall.  Such improved coping creates a greater sense of well-being.  Improved coping in everyday life is also a product of increased self-control.

Although anger often seems to be sudden and out of conscious control, anger is the result of a series of judgments and decisions about self, others and the world.  Similarly, angry behaviors are the result of judgments and decisions as well.  By learning to monitor one’s self throughout the day, judgment and decision-making become more conscious and effective.  Coping skills in all daily functioning are enhanced by better judgment in interactions and the ability to make better decisions about how to communicate and problem-solve with others.

People who have anger management problems demonstrate poor social coping skills, ineffective stress management skills, poor self-monitoring abilities and limited self-awareness.  These deficits decrease self-control and can lead to many negative consequences.  On the other hand, working to learn and improve these is essential to  controlling problematic anger and to increasing one’s emotional intelligence.

Problematic anger can be reduced.  The skills necessary to bring problematic anger under control are available in anger management classes.  Working to increase the essential elements of self-control needed, anger management classes build skills in a manageable, step-by-step way.  Greater self-control is the ultimate goal of anger management.  It is teachable, learnable and do-able!

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com