What is Anger: Identifying the Need for Help with Anger

Anger is an emotional state. It can be triggered by both internal and external cues. As an emotion, anger is a natural response and serves many purposes. It is based in human biology (as are other emotions) and serves us through the survival drive in its most fundamental form. Anger is a strong protective force. It creates physiological responses that signal us and prepare us to take action if needed by the drive to survive.

Apart from its basic and instinctual purpose, however, anger is also useful in protecting one’s self psychologically and emotionally. Feelings of anger can signal, for example, that one feels taken advantage of, dismissed or violated in some way. It helps us to set boundaries when such conditions have arisen.

Whatever the trigger, the presence of anger implies the perception of threat. A threat may be one that actually endangers physical well-being, giving us the energy to protect ourselves and others. Or, the perception of a threat that is potentially damaging to our emotional and psychological integrity can also ‘ramp us up’ to protect as well.

Anger is typically driven by perception and interpretation of events and situations. Do I perceive danger? Do I perceive threat? These are the unspoken, often consciously unthought-of questions that our anger will answer. Additionally, anger is a subjective, very personal response. What angers one may not even be noteworthy to another. In many important ways, personal history and how we have learned to cope with others and the world will determine whether or not anger is experienced. Similarly, personal history and coping patterns will determine how angry one will be.

Anger becomes problematic when behaviors follow that are harmful to yourself or others. Anger is also problematic when behaviors create the risk of harm to self or others. For many individuals who do not behave in anger to the point of aggression or physical self-harm, anger can be sabotaging enough to create significant problems. For example, anger is problematic if one’s goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing are compromised by anger. Similarly, the individual who is chronically angry may sabotage his own goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Certainly, anger is problematic when aggression and violence are used to express anger. Harm to others through physical expressions, or threats of such, can have serious social and legal consequences. Ultimately, the feeling of anger and the use of angry behavior can control one’s life. Consequently, negative consequences occur and accumulate. While anger itself is a normal, very human emotion, aggressive behaviors are typically not, when one losses control of their anger and it becomes harmful to themselves or others – this is the behavior that needs controlled. Aggressions, and threats of aggression, are emergency responses, therefore patterns of angry behavior that are ‘out of proportion’ for the seriousness of the triggering event needs intervention.

Managing anger can be learned by attending an Anger Management Program, please visit http://www.ami-tx.com for additional information.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Anger Management Institute of Texas
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
Houston, Texas

Battering Intervention and Prevention Program: Letter from a Batterer

Providing Battering Intervention and Prevention Program (BIPP) education services to male batterers is no small task, especially dealing with the minimizing, denying, blaming, faulty core values, and male privilege beliefs on a weekly basis.

Domestic Violence Institute of Texas’ BIPP program customarily provide students an opportunity to share their experience, good or bad, at the end of the 18 week class; some express their joy that the class is over, some who wish to say nothing, and there are those who wish to write and read poems and letters.

Below is a sample of one such revelation:

Mr. Kyles,

In my life I’ve been threw almost everything, and threw it all I’ve found myself asking how did I ever get here. Like the day I first stepped foot into your class. I knew deep inside my heart I needed to be here. But like most of us tried to find ways to maybe feel like we didn’t belong. As I attended more classes I found myself looking forward in to meeting up with all the guys to learn more on how I can better myself. But most of all I’ve learned to accept what I’ve done.

I’ve sat here in this very class for quite sometime now, and I’ve listened to each and every one of us talk about the situations that were all in. Yes, I do know sometimes it seems unfair. So I decided to listen with not only my ears but what we all mostly forget to do from time to time……and that is listen with our hearts.

I cant change the past, nor can I take away all the pain and hurt I’ve caused along the way, but what I do know is I can change how I view things in life now, and strive in every way possible to be a better person for the ones I love.

Mr. Kyles, you present this class in a way that can turn a person that can be as stern as a mule to a person that is now understanding and loving, that alone is a gift in its Self. I’m blessed to be a part of your program. I only wish I could of ran into you long before my troubles. Maybe one day this class will be prerequisite for young men and women around the world.

So for my Family and to all of the families that are involved in this program, I pray for us that we never loose track of the ones we love!

For those of us that wonder if our prayers ever get answered. My answer to you is ……”YES!” just this morning I looked into my daughters and my fiancés eyes and saw a reflection of the man that is going to love them and BE THERE for them for as long as God wants….that reflection of a man was ME.

Our answers have always been there deep within us all. We just need to learn to listen with our hearts.

Thank you for a lesson in life,
Tony A.

Gregory A. Kyles, LPC
Program Director
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com

Anger Management Classes: Managing Anger with Stress Management

Anger is an emotion that can be both destructive and enlightening. It is one of many emotions we use when we have to express ourselves, and our state of being. In day-to-day situations we can experience everything from mild irritation to a totally rage filled episode. When we are feeling that our anger is uncontrollable, it is time to find ways to manage it more effectively.

Anger is a part of everyday life for many people. It is a complex emotion and it often stems from other feelings and tends to control our lives. The other side of anger is fear and most often when someone is acting out they are afraid of something.

When someone is in a state of fear his or her anger can show as a slow burning situation or the person may react quickly. They may scream and yell or they may just sit and stew. Depending on their personality, they may also show inattention to what is going on or start interrupting other people to get their point across.

In the workplace this can be a very difficult situation because there are so many issues at stake. Some people have lost their jobs because of their attempts at manipulation or their controlling attitude. Anger is a detriment to the workplace and no one likes to hire an angry employee. This is an emotion that must be under control or there will be consequences.

So what can you do to put your anger under control? That is a very good question and it has a variety of different answers. There are many techniques that you can use but the first step is to admit that you are angry. Once you let yourself know this you can start looking at the things that trigger your anger. Do you have mild irritations that go away or are there situations or circumstances that trigger your anger all the time? Some experts suggest keeping an anger journal to see what kinds of things make you angry. This way you can observe any patterns that may be involved.

When you are observing your anger objectively, it’s a good idea not to judge yourself or the other person involved with your anger. It is best to look at what has been controlling you and find ways to work more effectively.

How to Manage Anger with Stress Management: Most of the time stress leads to frustration and frustration leads to anger. Many people find that when their stress level goes down they experience less anger. When you find yourself getting angry take a long walk or do some other type of exercise. This can get you thinking more about your workout instead of your problems and it is a good way to relax. Some people listen to music to relax and others just take a few deep breaths. The bottom line is to make sure you do something to release the anger in a positive way so it can’t control you anymore.

For additional information about anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence skills please contact the Anger Management Institute of Texas 713-477-9105 or visit our website http://www.ami-tx.com.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a Certified Anderson & Anderson® Provider

Anger Management Classes and Executive Coaching Services available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, LPC
Program Director
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com

Anger Management Groups in Houston Texas

Anger Management Institute of Texas provides a safe educational environment for clients to learn expressions of anger that are acceptable to society so that violence and self-destructive behavior can be avoided. You will certainly benefit from our classes by learning what stress is, as well as stress management strategies. You will moreover learn how to be more emotionally intelligent and how to use proven communication skills to become a more effective person.

4-Hour Groups: Every Saturday and Sunday

Saturdays: 8:00 a.m. – 12:00 noon
Sundays: 1:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.

Please call 281-477-9105 or visit http://www.ami-tx.com for additional information

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence Skills

A few years ago Emotional Intelligence came into the mainstream and everyone was learning more about how they handed their emotions. Many businesses use this to help communication between workers and the boss. Understanding your emotional intelligence is an important part of everyday life because it helps you create a more balanced life.

Emotional Intelligence has nothing to do with Intelligent Quotient (IQ). Instead it is about people skills. Specifically it is the ability to recognize, understand and regulate your own emotions and those of others. By being able to make better choices about emotions you can understand how to act or react in any situation. In fact, research has shown that people who are able to manage their own feelings and work more effectively with others are more likely to live happier lives.

In the workplace, Emotional Intelligence has become more important because employers use it as a predictor of which employees will make the best leaders on projects. There are certain assumptions that are made about employees who score high on Emotional Intelligence. For instance, an employer would expect that this employee was able to control their own emotions, understand how to communicate well with others and how to be a strong problem solver. This person may have a great sense of humor and be able to show empathy to other people. Keep in mind all of these traits that are important in the workplace.

Emotional Intelligence is also important in personal relationships because it helps everyone communicate more effectively. Let’s face it. Emotions are a big part of relationships and they can run rampant if they aren’t controlled. When we understand Emotional Intelligence and how to use it we can strengthen existing relationships and increase our ability to communicate more effectively. It will also help us learn more about ourselves.

Without Emotional Intelligence many relationships break up because the two people (whether friends or married) can’t seem to get past the hurt feelings that accumulate if people don’t understand how to communicate effectively. Emotional Intelligence helps you sort out communication challenges and deal with them straight on. It also helps you improve your people skills and develop a more interesting personality.

Students benefit from Emotional Intelligence because it allows them to focus better on their work, it helps build self confidence and it can create new curiosity. In the workplace, when you are taking courses to improve your job or to apply for a new job, your Emotional Intelligence could lead you to a pay raise.

Emotional Intelligence and Anger Management: The workplace is often an emotional place at times for a lot of reasons. Some businesses make it clear that showing any type of emotion is inappropriate. Some people can become angry and abusive when confronted with certain situations. Without Emotional Intelligence there is a tendency to strike out with fighting or other violence. When Emotional Intelligence is learned it can stop edgy situations from becoming more difficult and it can empower individuals to take control instead of taking revenge.

To learn more about emotional intelligence, anger management, stress management, and assertive communication skills please call 281-477-9105 or visit our website http://www.ami-tx.com.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles

Domestic Violence: What Is The Typical Outcome Of Family Violence?

Family violence is usually a learned behavior that will continue to cycle until it is stopped. The typical outcome of this type of behavior is that it is passed on to children in the family so that they themselves become victims of abuse or perpetrate violence. The seeds are sown early when it comes to family violence which usually begins with an adult who has learned this behavior from their own upbringing. In most cases, the perpetrator of family violence is the male head of the household. A female will usually enable this type of behavior by continuing to accept excuses for the behavior.

Children who grow up in a home that is filled with family violence often either become victims of violence themselves or grow up to be batterers. Violence and domestic abuse have their roots in control. Children who live in a home where domestic violence is present not only consider this behavior to be normal, but also feel a lack of control in their own lives. The outcome is usually them emulating the behavior that they grow up with, usually by the parent of the same gender.

Many girls who grow up in a home where they witness domestic abuse, even if the violence is not inflicted on them but on their mother who is the victim of the abuse will subconsciously seek out men who are controlling and often batterers, thus completing the cycle. They will then raise their own children in the same environment in which they were raised. Boys who have a father who is a wife beater may grow up to emulate the behavior as well and very often do. As children, a boy may stand up for his mother against an abusive father, but will eventually learn this type of behavior, especially if the mother is an enabler and allows the domestic violence to continue.

In cases where family abuse is present, it affects the entire family, regardless of whether or not they are the target of the actual abuse. The cycle of abuse continues to play out in future generations and can manifest as child abuse, battering, spousal abuse and even sexual abuse. Family violence requires a battering intervention program to prevent violence from occurring as well as a prevention program that teaches everyone in the family which type of behavior is acceptable. First and foremost, those who are perpetrating the crime of family violence must learn to change their behavior. Counseling is available for those who are victims of family violence that can be beneficial in breaking the cycle of domestic abuse and violence so that victims come to a realization of what is normal behavior and what is not in a family situation.

Domestic Violence Institute of Texas offers Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, Texas.

For additional information please call 281-970-6611 or visit our website http://www.dvi-tx.com.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Domestic Violence Institute of Texas
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com

How to Deal with Angry Co-Workers!!

The workplace is a tough place to be in. Throw in an angry co-worker and work becomes all the more stressful and unpleasant.

Angry co-workers can be a nuisance at the workplace. They create a negative atmosphere for themselves and those around them. They demand time and attention and often shift focus from the job at hand to petty issues. They may seem unwilling to compromise or co-operate and make life difficult for those around them. If you have ever been on the receiving end of an angry co-worker you’ll realize how difficult it is to reason with him. Sometimes, you may be the brunt of his anger even when not at fault. Many angry co-workers tend to blame their colleagues for mistakes committed by them. Righteous anger if expressed in a positive manner can be excused. But when a co-worker gets angry frequently for trivial things, it’s possible that he is suffering from anger related behavioral disorders.   

Dealing with an angry co-worker requires tact and sensitivity. Generally, the management is responsible for dealing with angry co-workers. However, if the anger is directed towards you, even you can take charge of the situation.     

Strategies to deal with an Angry Co-worker:
• Keeping your cool: When you come face to face with an angry co-worker, try not to lose your temper. Losing your temper and indulging in a screaming match will only fuel the situation. Maintaining your composure is very important at this point of time. This may not completely dilute the situation but at least will prevent it from blowing out of proportion.
• Active Listening: When a co-worker is on a short fuse, let him speak without interrupting. Listen rather than speak. Listening will help in understanding why he is agitated. It may sound clichéd but you can say “I realize that you’re upset, is there something I can do?”
• Don’t Interfere: If you are not the direct recipient of your co-workers rage, it may be best not to interfere. Keep a safe distance as interfering may turn his wrath on you and the situation may go out-of-control. Only endeavor to mediate if you suspect a potentially violent situation.
• Apologize: If your co-worker is upset because of some mistake committed by you, do not hesitate to apologize immediately. Don’t make excuses and give justifications. Accepting your mistake and promising not to let the same thing happen again could succeed in defusing your co-workers temper.
• Inform Management: If your co-worker exhibits signs of frequent anger issues for no rhyme or reason, it may be time to bring it to the notice of the management. This is not being sneaky but basically just looking after your interests.

Stress Management for Angry Co-workers: Stress at work is simply inevitable. There are deadlines to meet and reports to be completed. If things don’t go according to schedule you could find yourself pulled up for incompetence. All this leads to stress and tension. Most people accept this as part and parcel of the game and take things in their stride. However, loads of people can’t come to terms with stress and become angry and frustrated. Co-workers who get angry for insignificant things may be over-stressed. These co-workers may be burdened with unrealistic deadlines and work pressures. Inability to cope with them leads to over-the-top stress and subsequently anger. Stress Management is a must for angry co-workers. Management should make appropriate arrangements for angry co-workers to attend Stress Management Programs.

For additional information about effective stress management, anger management, and assertive communication skills, along with tools to increase your emotional intelligence call the Anger Management Institute of Texas 281-477-9105 or visit http://www.ami-tx.com.

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.ami-tx.org
http://www.dvi-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert