Understanding Your Own Anger Management Problem

An anger problem is one that hurts you and/or someone else.  The consequences of an anger control problem can be as various and individualized as people themselves.  Some consequences of an anger control problem are broken relationships, social isolation, loss of employment, physical harm to self or others, commission of crimes, incarceration, property damage, property loss, loss of reputation, loss of self-esteem and self-respect, and the loss of hopes and dreams.  Each person in an anger management class will have their own stories of how anger has damaged their lives.

While anger is an emotional state, it can take many forms that vary in the intensity of how it is felt and how it is expressed.  Both the emotion of anger and angry behaviors can be mild, moderate or severe.  We commonly recognize the various intensities of anger in the language we use every day– irritated, upset, mad, angry, livid, furious, enraged and so on.

Whatever the intensity of anger, each of these ‘levels’ of the emotion will carry with them the same physiological and biological changes that occur in the body during an episode of anger.  These bodily changes are the foundation for anger of any type:  increased heart rate, increased blood pressure and increased levels of adrenalin and other hormones.  Meant to assist us in emergencies, these biological and physiological processes, over time, can tax the body, creating yet other types of problems for people with anger management problems. Health issues are not uncommon for people who live with frequent or chronic anger.

Whether anger comes in bouts or is chronic, whether is it mild or severe, how frequently it comes, what is done with it when it comes and what the consequences of anger are for you are some of the questions you will answer in anger management classes. Further, learning your own personal triggers—the internal or external events that trigger anger and how your body feels (bodily cues) when anger is triggered and escalating is essential as you learn to have greater self-control.

Very quickly, the participant in anger management classes will find that much of what will bring greater self-control is greater self-awareness.  Examining your own patterns, triggers, cues and behaviors will create your own individualized picture of how anger and angry behaviors have become problematic in your life.  While each ‘picture’ of anger control problems is unique, the underlying dynamics of gaining greater self-control are not.  There are principles of anger management that work across the board, helping people with various ‘personal profiles’.  Anger management classes will give you an opportunity to learn about yourself in detail as you create your own ‘profile’ by using techniques and tools provided by your anger management specialist.  With increased awareness and increased knowledge comes greater self-control, the ultimate goal of anger management.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Domestic Abuse – What Is Abuse?

Many people think that domestic abuse is strictly between a husband and wife or two people who are co-habiting with one another.  This is not the case when it comes to domestic abuse.  By most laws, anyone who is in a relationship, regardless of whether they are living together or not, can be a perpetrator or victim of this crime.

Another assumption people make about domestic abuse is that it is between adults only.  The stereotype of the typical wife beater is an example.  A man who comes home and hits his wife is usually termed a wife beater.  When people think about domestic abuse, they often envision this type of scenario.  Very often, domestic abuse encompasses the entire family.  This often includes child abuse where one or both of the parents also take out their rage on the children who become victims of this crime.  There are cases where both partners abuse the children or where one of the partners inflicts child abuse.

Domestic abuse does not always take the form of physical abuse.  It is important for people to realize that abuse takes many forms and is not always domestic violence.  Emotional abuse, sexual abuse and verbal abuse are also part of this type of behavior.  This type of abuse is also often inflicted on children in a relationship in which one or both of the partners are abusive.

All forms of domestic abuse is considered to be a crime.  Emotional abuse can be just as damaging to the victim as physical abuse, but often goes unreported.  This is particularly true in the case where this type of domestic abuse is perpetrated against children.  Sexual abuse is often stigmatized by abuse against children, although this form of abuse is often perpetrated by one adult against another in a relationship.

According to statistics, most of those who are arrested for domestic abuse are men.  The most common form of domestic abuse is domestic violence by a boyfriend or husband against a woman.  Second comes child abuse, again most often perpetrated by men against children in a relationship, most often not their own biological children.  Sexual abuse is third and again is a crime in which the perpetrators are overwhelmingly male.  These statistics are based upon reports.  However, it is also true that most cases of domestic abuse or violence against a man from a female partner go unreported as men are less likely to report these instances to the police.

There is help for those who are perpetrators of domestic abuse.  The help comes from a prevention program that deals with abusive behavior.  Most people who are abusive have grown up with this type of behavior in which they, themselves, where victims of domestic abuse as children and simply are continuing a cycle that will be passed on to their own children.  With a proper battering intervention program, however, this violent and abusive cycle can be broken.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

Anger Problems–The Tip of the Iceberg

The emotion of anger is only the ‘tip of the iceberg’ for people with anger management problems.  Typically, other emotions cause difficulty for these people as well.

Many with anger problems are not as aware of other emotions as they are of anger.  Additionally, people who have trouble controlling and often try to avoid feeling other emotions that are perceived as more painful.  They often seek to suppress other emotions and not let them be known to others.  This can happen for a variety of reasons.  Some believe that other emotions such as grief, sadness and fear will be so overwhelming that they will not be able to cope with them.  Others have come to believe that certain emotions are signs of weakness or ‘breaking down’ and so efforts are made to avoid or suppress them.  Additionally, there are many cultural reasons that individuals avoid certain feelings.  Many of these have to do with the roles of men and women in our society. “Big boys don’t cry” is an example of how men have been affected by traditional messages.  “Kindness is weakness” is another.  There are more that support the notion that “being strong equals being angry or aggressive” and showing other emotions such as sadness, compassion, grief or fear is a sign of inferiority or weakness.

Many people who have trouble controlling their anger simply have a limited awareness of emotional states.  Their limited awareness prevents them from identifying the body’s signals and cues that alert us to the nature of various emotions.  It also causes misinterpretation of others’ emotional cues.  Anger management classes that teach emotional intelligence will increase awareness of emotions and the body’s cues that accompany them.

As awareness of the emotional experience grows, people with problematic anger will typically widen their awareness to include many other emotions that are related to and often underlie or support their anger.

Anger is considered to be the tip of an emotional iceberg for many.  As with icebergs in nature, the vast majority of it is submerged.  Looking deeper, with skills that improve self-awareness, people who have trouble controlling anger will find a body of other emotional sates that can trigger anger and angry behaviors.  Learning to identify these other emotions, to tolerate them and manage them successfully, will typically reduce anger and enhance anger management efforts as well.

Below is a list of other emotions that people in anger management classes have identified as directly related to their anger management problems:
• Fear
• Sadness
• Grief
• Loneliness
• Being overwhelmed
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Panic
• Despair
• Depression
• Feeling rejected
• Feeling abandoned
• Feeling betrayed
• Feeling

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

 

Signs of Child Abuse

There are not always obvious signs of child abuse that are apparent to other adults.  In many cases, those who are inflicting child abuse on their children will involve the child in making up lies as to the regard of injuries or hit the child in such a way so that the injuries are not apparent.  Teacher and other authorities have a duty to report signs of child abuse to state officials for investigation.

Not all signs of child abuse are evident by marks and bruises.  In some cases, the child abuse may be sexual abuse as well as violence. One of the signs of this form of child abuse is a child being overly withdrawn.  Children who are the victims of abuse typically have a very low self esteem and will not mix in well with other children.  As they get older, they learn to hide the abuse and will often go to great lengths to avoid being caught.  When it comes to sexual abuse, children often feel not only out of control when it comes to the situation, but also feel as though that the abuse is somehow their fault.  They may view the sexual abuse as normal behavior if it has gone on for a long period of time and will usually cover up for the parent who is inflicting the abuse.  Often, the child will try to appease the abuser more than the other parent and will be warned not to tell anyone about the secret that they have to conceal.

As a child gets older, signs of child abuse can be more evident.  They may be hesitant about taking certain classes in school where they have to reveal bruises.  They may cover up bruises by wearing clothing so that they can hide the abuse.  They may act out their total lack of control that they feel over their own environment by inflicting the same abuse on other students.  Girls who are the victims of sexual abuse usually behave in an inappropriate fashion and may behave in a sexually provocative manner, even as children.  Girls often become promiscuous at an early age when they are the victims of sexual abuse or child abuse.

Teachers and caregivers should not only look for unexplained bruises when they suspect child abuse, but also at the behavior of a child.  While some children are naturally a bit withdrawn, a child who is the frequent target of bullies at school and who does not fight back can be one who is used to child abuse and internalizes everything.  A child who appears to know too much about sex for a child of their age can be the victim of sexual abuse.  Children who show a complete lack of empathy for others are often the victims of child abuse as well.  There are many signs of child abuse to look for that do not always include the obvious signs of a beating.

For Anger Management Classes and Battering Intervention and Prevention Program – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory.kyles@gmail.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com

More on Using the EQ Map to Develop Emotional Intelligence and Manage Anger

The EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) Map is an assessment tool used in anger management to help you understand why you have difficulty managing your anger.  Furthermore, the EQ Map will help you identify the origins of stress in your life since stress is directly related to anger problems.  The EQ Map also helps pinpoint what problems you have in managing that stress effectively.  It will look at the specifics of problem behaviors in relationships, how you communicate with others, what triggers your anger, stress and problematic behaviors.  By mapping out this type of valuable information about why you have difficulty controlling your anger, the EQ Map becomes a useful tool throughout your efforts in anger management classes and afterwards.

Learning what you typically do when faced with stressful situations, in relationships, in conflict and on a daily basis to manage all of these typical life occurrences empowers you to make changes.  Identifying the exact nature of your anger management problems will enable you to identify the correct and effective solutions. Overall, anger problems can be managed by reducing stress and learning coping skills that will help you in stating your needs through assertiveness, reducing interpersonal conflict by seeking compromise and managing anger by focusing upon improving communication skills and appropriate ways of expressing feelings.

The EQ Map will identify your emotional intelligence—how well you are doing in all of these areas at the time of assessment.  Once your baseline of emotional intelligence is known then you can set realistic goals for learning the necessary skills to reduce stress and improve anger management.  When emotional intelligence is improved your ability to monitor yourself as you grow more stressed will improve.  Your ability to better regulate your emotions will also improve and you will be able to de-escalate yourself before anger becomes problematic.  By learning your triggers—the things that are likely to cause stress and escalate anger—you can prepare yourself for better handling these situations and events.  As your awareness of these things increase so will your ability to have greater self-control.  For people with anger management issues, learning how to have greater self-control will dramatically decrease such problems and allow the more successful accomplishment of goals, improve relationships, improve health and improve the overall quality of daily life.

An investment in anger management classes is truly an investment in yourself, your family, your relationships, your health and your goals.  Becoming more emotionally intelligent is an education that pays off in all areas of life for people who struggle with anger management problems.

For Anger Management & Domestic Violence – BIPP Classes in Houston, TX call 281-477-9105 and/or send an email to gregory@emote-institute.com.

Gregory Kyles, LPC
Anger Management & Domestic Violence Institute
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
http://www.emote-institute.com
http://www.gregorykyles.wordpress.com