Anger Management and Assertive Communication

A relationship is not always a walk in the park. More often than not it is fraught with stress,anxiety and apprehension. This happens because two individuals in a relationship are constantly changing and growing with time.

 

The beginning of a relationship is superficial. Partners are at their best and all flaws are concealed. As they become comfortable with one another, all character flaws come to the surface and they start behaving like the people they really are.

 

Anger has become a cause for concern in many relationships. Wife beating, verbal abuse and temper tantrums are prevalent in many broken homes and marriages. Anger kills marriages and destroys lives.

 

Communication is the foundation stone of any relationship. No relationship can survive without communication. Relationships fail when there is a breakdown of communication between the partners. When we are angry, our thinking process becomes hazy and we sometimes raise our voices and even our fists.

 

The worst part about anger is that we tend to vent it on people we love the most. This is because we think the person isn’t going anywhere and therefore we make him/her an unwilling recipient for the worst of our tempers and frustrations. When this happens, we often find ourselves wondering when love flew out of the window. Well, perhaps the love is still there, but then, so is the anger.

 

When an argument erupts between couples, it is generally characterized by raving and ranting. Each attempts to prove that he/she is right. This one up-manship over the other only creates more problems. Ultimately, they end up fighting for fightings sake. After a few hours even the main reason for the quarrel may be long forgotten as each one takes the other head-on. Past blunders and petty issues are brought up as each viciously tears the other apart. Slamming doors and flinging objects becomes a habit. Hostility becomes a way of life. This is a typical case of collapse of communication when anger takes over.

 

Assertive Communication to Control Anger in Relationships: It is critical to use assertiveness when dealing with anger related issues in a relationship. Aggression only gives birth to violence and misery. On the other hand, avoidance to deal with anger displays weakness and timidity. A balance must be struck to keep the channels of communication flowing. In a crisis situation, rather than behaving like spoilt brats, partners should sit down and discuss the issue civilly. Active listening is important to understand the emotions of the other. Each one should be allowed to speak without interruptions. Anger often is a cover for deep-seated emotions like low self-worth, guilt, insecurity and depression. An attempt must be made to get to the root cause of the problem. Speaking politely and maintaining an unruffled exterior helps a great deal in soothing frayed nerves. Playing the blame game is definitely not an option. If the situation is overly tense, it is better to agree to take a break and do something you enjoy. Things like gardening, reading and television can be used to take the mind off worries. Once both partners calm down, they should try to come to a conclusion without biting the others head off. The tone of your voice should not be accusing and high-pitched. On the other hand whining and nagging is also a put-off. Being polite and courteous pays off. Assertive Communication is a good strategy to control and minimize the negative effects of anger on a relationship.

 

Anger and Fear control skills can be learned in an anger management program, it would be most helpful if the curriculum focused on anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence.

 

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider.

 

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas.

 

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com

http://www.dvi-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert

 

What is Anger: Identifying the Need for Help with Anger

Anger is an emotional state.  It can be triggered by both internal and external cues.  As an emotion, anger is a natural response and serves many purposes. It is based in human biology (as are other emotions) and serves us through the survival drive in its most fundamental form.  Anger is a strong protective force.  It creates physiological responses that signal us and prepare us to take action if needed by the drive to survive. 

 Apart from its basic and instinctual purpose, however, anger is also useful in protecting one’s self psychologically and emotionally.  Feelings of anger can signal, for example, that one feels taken advantage of, dismissed or violated in some way.  It helps us to set boundaries when such conditions have arisen. 

Anger is typically driven by perception and interpretation of events and situations.  Do I perceive danger?  Do I perceive threat?  These are the unspoken, often consciously unthought questions that our anger will answer.  Additionally, anger is a subjective, very personal response.  What angers one may not even be noteworthy to another.  In many important ways, personal history and how we have learned to cope with others and the world will determine whether or not anger is experienced.  Similarly, personal history and coping patterns will determine how angry one will be.

Anger becomes problematic when behaviors follow that are harmful to yourself or others.  Anger is also problematic when behaviors create the risk of harm to self or others.  For many individuals who do not behave in anger to the point of aggression or physical self-harm, anger can be sabotaging enough to create significant problems.  For example, anger is problematic if one’s goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing are compromised by anger.  Similarly, the individual who is chronically angry may sabotage his own goals and/or emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Certainly, anger is problematic when aggression and violence are used to express anger.  Harm to others through physical expressions, or threats of such, can have serious social and legal consequences.  Ultimately, the feeling of anger and the use of angry behavior can control one’s life. Consequently, negative consequences occur and accumulate.  While anger itself is a normal, very human emotion, aggressive behaviors are typically not.  Aggressions, and threats of aggression, are emergency responses. 

Disruptive patterns of angry behavior that are ‘out of proportion’ for the seriousness of the triggering event need intervention. 

Managing anger can be learned by attending an Anger Management Program; it would be in your best interest if the program curriculum focuses on anger management, stress management, assertive communication, and emotional intelligence.   

Anger Management Institute of Texas is a certified Anderson & Anderson ® provider

Anger Management Classes and Anger Management – Executive Coaching available in Houston, Texas

Gregory A. Kyles, M.A., LPC, CEAP, CAMF
Director, Anger Management Institute of Texas
Diplomate, President of Texas Chapter
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.ami-tx.com
http://www.dvi-tx.com
https://gregorykyles.wordpress.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/gregorykyles
http://www.myspace.com/anger_management_expert